'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
