I just gift wrapped bread.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
