Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
