my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
