I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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