I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
