I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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