I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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