Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
