Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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