sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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