I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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