i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
