Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
All the doctor said was why
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
