If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
