Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
