dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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