why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
