I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
