i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
