dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
