I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
