so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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