It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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