just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
