Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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