I'll bet she douches with gravy.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
