I'm going to jail i love you
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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