I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
