She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
