dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
