Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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