last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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