so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
