So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
