I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
