Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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