Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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