K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
