Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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