I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
