I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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