Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
No subtext here. People are naked.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
