We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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