cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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