Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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