Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
