Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
high people should be assigned attendants
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
