why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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