It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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