I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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